Reel Around The Fountain

Battle Cries: I has them, apparently.

2009-09-18T12:27:18Z

Ten Celebrity Crushes

2009-09-17T13:41:34Z

10. William Beckett

9. Regina Spektor

8. Milo Ventimiglia

7. Adam T. Siska

6. The Butcher

5. Spencer Smith

4. Leonard Nimoy

3. Tim Russ

2. Brendon Urie

1. Matthew Gray Gubler

So pretty...

LOL eHarmony personality results

2009-08-17T01:59:09Z

You are best described as

USUALLY TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF

Words that describe you:

Perceptive
Realistic
Demanding
Down-to-Earth
Hardnosed
Judgmental
Pragmatic
Skeptical

A General Description of How You Interact with Others

You are clearly a compassionate person; you believe that you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and you know that friends help their friends. But with you compassion is just one side of the coin; the other being a side that also expects others to hold up their end of the bargain. So you help others but it is with the expectation that others don't take advantage of you or try to put one over on you. In short, you expect others to treat you as you treat them.

And for those people who do ask for help when they should have taken responsibility for themselves? This is the time when your more hard-edged side comes out. You are skeptical of people when they expect others to bail them out of trouble; if they got themselves into the bind, they should work their way out of the trouble. If it's an emergency, or if it's a friend who has been there for you when you have had hard times, you are there in a quick minute. But you are a discerning person and to you there is a big difference between an emergency and a self-inflicted wound. You just look at the facts: how the situation developed, how serious the situation, and how they can or cannot get through things on their own. The history you have with the person and with similar situations will inform you whether this is or is not a time for you to get involved.

You also have some limits when it comes to being with people. Sure some people need to be with others all the time and seem to get recharged by helping out most anyone else. But that's not you. You know that you do best if you spend a fair amount of time on your own. Not that you are a loner, just that time spent by yourself is not wasted at all with you. You've come to understand that if you don't take good care of yourself, eventually you'll be not good to anyone, including yourself or others.

So your compassion is tempered by realism. Your sympathy for people in trouble is balanced by a critical evaluation of how they got themselves to the place they are. And you've learned to take good care of yourself, so you have something to give to your friends or others truly in need.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

Some people may see your practical style as lacking compassion. When your compassion is tempered, as it is at times by your discerning questions and careful consideration, it may seem to some like you have too much head and too little heart. And when you use time and energy to take care of yourself there will inevitably be some who see you as selfish and uncaring. But your approach is neither heady nor selfish. It is you. And unless your approach is causing you consistent problems in important relationships, there is really no reason to change. Your distinctive manner of having clear expectations for the relationships in which you will exert your energy is true to the core of you.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

The truth is that most people respect someone who knows themselves and what they want. So even if some people don't get exactly what they want from you often they will leave with a deeper respect for you. Your frank and honest approach may help someone to help themselves when they didn't think this was possible, and they wind up better off: they're out of trouble, they did it on their own, and they have you to thank. And you were, again, true to yourself.

On the Openness Dimension you are

SOMETIMES CURIOUS, SOMETIMES CONTENT

Words that describe you:

Accepting
Flexible
Educated
Self-aware
Middle-of-the-road
Proper
Distinctive
Indecisive
Adaptable

A General Description of How You Approach New Information and Experiences

Like someone who can sleep comfortably on either side of the bed, you are equally at home with ideas and beliefs that you have held for a long time and with new ways of thinking and believing that grow out of your intellectual curiosity.

Your sense of who you are and what your place is in the world around you rests on values and principles that are the solid ground you walk upon. You've tested them, they work for you, and much of the time you are content to trust them, that is, until some provocative new idea slips in from a conversation, book or some flight of your active imagination. "Hmmmm. What's this. Never thought of it before." And off you go, exploring.

Since you love to learn, you've always been teachable; you absorb new information, which means you are well-educated in things that matter to you. Sometimes your intellectual exploring will lead you back to where you started; the "next new thing" proves too shallow or impractical to you. But once in a while a new idea or belief will dislodge you from the ground you've stood upon; it is so compelling and persuasive that you step away from the tried-and-true and embrace this notion that is brand new to you.

Because you hold both solid beliefs and are open to new ideas, you are accepting of other people and other ways of thinking and believing. You are flexible enough to listen to something new and different, or something outside of your comfort zone; if it works for you, you'll take it in, and if not, you'll let it go. In this sense, you know who you are: you are neither closed-minded nor wildly open-minded, but walk somewhere near the middle of the intellectual road.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward Your Style of Thinking

Not everyone will be thrilled by your flexible, middle-of-the-road ways of thinking and believing. A few people are so taken with flights of imagination into whatever is new that they might find your commitment to long-standing values and beliefs too confining, if not too boring. Oh well; so be it. They'll just have to be in free-flight without you.

Others are content with the ideas that have served them and their culture well; they're not excited by the prospect of moving on. And some people are afraid of new ways of thinking because they are somewhat fragile; they have trouble maintaining their current worlds and don't want someone like you, for instance pushing out the edges of their intellectual cosmos. So don't be surprised if your solid values sometimes make people distrust you as an explorer, or if your flexible and open mind sometimes gets you criticized by people who walk away from the very same explorations that you find refreshing.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

Many others will find you trustworthy and therefore an attractive companion on the intellectual journey. They will appreciate the combination in you of open-mindedness and a commitment to the tried-and-true. In an intellectual climate sometimes dominated by the extremes of either wild innovation or dug-in traditionalism, your moderate views and your proper acceptance of a wide range of possibilities will be a distinctive and refreshing quality. Because you join your curiosity to strong foundational ideas and beliefs and practical solutions to problems, people will trust your occasional explorations into new territories to be reliable, and not "something new for newness sake".

You are accepting of others, flexible in your own intellectual commitments, well-informed in areas that matter to you, and comfortably aware of who you are and where you stand. This combination will make you a desirable companion on the intellectual journey for many, many people.

On Emotional Stability you are

STEADY

Words that describe you:

Relaxed
Even
Unwavering
Constant
Certain
Together
Cool
Detached
Tranquil

A General Description of Your Reactivity

When emotions get topsy-turvy, most of the time you keep your feet on solid ground. When some of your friends lose control of their feelings, you are able to stay relaxed and even. It's not that you're cold-hearted or without feelings. On the contrary; you can be fun-loving. You hurt when a friend is in pain or is in trouble.

You might cry occasionally at a movie, or when watching a particularly touching story on the evening news. But in moments of emotional pleasure, or when troubling feelings rise up within you or around you, you keep yourself together.

Here's a fundamental truth about you: when it comes to your emotional world, you are certain and constant, not flapping around and out of control. It's a good thing because life will come at you, as it comes at all of us, with emotional surprises. We all hit hard times, or get caught off guard, or feel a sudden swell of fear or joy or anger or sadness.

Once in a while you'll get caught up in the feelings of one of these moments. You get silly, maybe too silly, with your friends. You wake up in the dark, or run into dark thoughts, and find yourself afraid of . . . of something, though you're not quite sure of what. The sadness around you creeps inside you and you feel "down" for a while, but you push your way through it. "Think", you say to yourself. "Stay calm, and figure out a way to cope". Soon, you're relaxed and together again, your feet are once more on solid ground, and your emotions are under control.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

"How do you stay so calm in this emotional storm. Don't you feel anything?" Some of your friends might find you too controlled, as if you don't feel things as deeply as they do.

Your ability to stay so unflappable while they're coming apart at the seams could lead them to believe you just don't care enough, either about your own emotional world or about the pain or pleasure they're so caught up in. This might lead them to exclude you from those seasons of their lives when their feelings are deep and they need to surround themselves with people they believe will understand the turmoil they're in. They won't think of you as such a person, so they won't let you in on their emotional whirl.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

The opposite may be true as well. When some of your friends can't contain their emotions they might turn to you as the steady rock, the stable one, the person who will remain composed and help talk and think them through their turmoil. You're just what they need, their calm, cool and collected friend, when their emotional world is falling apart.

Also, people who are as calm and secure as you and who, like you, are emotionally composed most of the time, will find you a friend they are comfortable with. They know that when the world goes upside down, and for everyone the world will occasionally stand on its head, you will be there, as secure and unflappable as they are, and are therefore a trustworthy companion through any emotional turmoil.

Your approach toward your obligations is

FOCUSED AND FLEXIBLE

Words that describe you:

Casual
Informal
Compliant
Reliable
Organized
Solid
Dependable
Uncommitted
Genuine

A General Description of How You Interact with Others

When you take on a task at work or at home, you are reliable; you get the job done. In an organized way, you define the goal, lay out a plan, figure how long the task will take, and get to work "solid and dependable you".

But and this is important you're not a slave to the plan. You're committed to it, but not chained to it; the connection is more casual and informal. You know that sometimes "the best laid plans" fall off the tracks; when this happens, you clean up the train wreck and start over, undeterred.

Though not happening often, when plans change, you're okay with it. In fact, sometimes you change the plan. It's too nice of a Saturday to finish organizing the garage. Let's go for a bike ride instead. True, the next rainy Saturday will likely find you back in the garage, but for now the work can wait.

What an interesting combination of qualities in you're organized, but casual; solid, but compliant; and dependable, but informal. At home and at work, people know they can rely on you. You take great satisfaction in knowing that people think of you as disciplined and responsible, but you also know that you have something of a free spirit in you, and when this spirit moves you, off you go, following the impulse of the moment. You are rightly proud of your work ethic, but you also enjoy your willingness to lay the tools down, crank up the music and play like a child.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

Some people live like Marines: duty-bound, disciplined and driven. To these people you might seem uncommitted; where they would never leave work for play or change plans in the middle of their life's forced march, you let the circumstance sway you and move in a different direction, and they don't understand.

Others live like kites on a string, attached by thin threads to the solid ground of responsibility and are blown about by every gust of impulse or imagination. To these people you might seem too cowardly, like you'll flirt with your impulses but never give in fully, play on a Saturday but never blow of the entire work-week to "follow your bliss".

While these Marines and kite-flyers might look down on you for your combination of focus and flexibility, others might be envious. They can't free themselves from a sense that they're not doing enough, or from the equally frustrating feeling that they're not free enough.

And here you are with your accomplishments and your pleasures, getting the job done but also getting your hair blown back as you run with the wind. As far as these people are concerned, you're lucky you've got the best of both of the worlds in which they feel they fail.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

What a great life you have, and a great attitude to boot. You know when to buckle down and push ahead to get the job done, and you do it well. You know when to lay the tools of your trade aside, grab your kite and head for the meadow where you can run with the wind. Many people will see and admire in you this lovely combination of a person who can focus, but who is flexible enough to know when to let the spirit move you in some new and livelier direction.

It's a life they aspire to, and they delight in seeing it played out in your life. They may ask your advice and turn you into a mentor of the full and balanced experience. They will want to know how you do it, what the costs are, and if you get frightened that you're not working hard enough or playing often enough. They may make you think about your own life more than you have, so you can share it with those who want to emulate this balance between flexibility and focus. They may be correct lucky you!

When it comes to Extraversion you are

SOMETIMES OUTGOING, SOMETIMES RESERVED

Words that describe you:

Moderate
Amiable
Laid-back
Temperate
Relaxed
Poised
Civil
Uncommitted
Pleasant

A General Description of How You Interact with Others

Lucky you! You enjoy your own company as much as you enjoy the company of others. You are a great conversationalist and thrive in the wonderful kinds of connections you know how to have with your family and friends. You also equally enjoy your own company, whether sitting in a favorite chair with your book and soft music playing or meandering in the woods by yourself. You like coming home to your family or your roommate; but if no one is home, you find quiet, solitary time to be just as pleasurable. What a great combination to enjoy being outgoing and to be just as comfortable being reserved. Lucky you!!

Because you are so amiable and relaxed, you are comfortable with almost any group of family or friends. Whether they are pumped up and lively or calm and subdued, you remain at ease. If someone needs to take over the conversation, you are comfortable taking the lead; you can also lay back and let someone else be in charge. If the conversation gets rowdy, your moderate demeanor will often draw it down to a more temperate level. If someone in the group loses their cool, you will most likely maintain your poise, and if they get nasty you know how to keep a civil tongue.

You may find yourself out of balance on occasion. If you're alone too much, you may need to get in touch with someone. If you spend too much time with your family and friends, you may need to sneak off for a day by yourself, to putter and read and clear your head of the noise of too much conversation. When you're at your best, you live with a rhythm of time with others, time alone, time with others, time alone It's a satisfying, comfortable balance. Lucky you!

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

You may occasionally run into problems with other people. Since not everyone is as balanced as you are, close friends and family may get frustrated with you, or you with them. They may be more sociable and outgoing, and find you too laid-back and relaxed. They want conversations to be lively and passionate while you keep things amiable and civil. Or others may be more quiet and reserved than you, and when you're in one of your more animated moments they may wish you would back off. You may be ready to put more energy into a conversation than they are comfortable with.

And your balance may be a problem. Other people may be consistently more sociable or more reserved than you, and find you to hard to read, some may even say you ride the fence. Others may find themselves envious of your ability to be outgoing at times, and at other times comfortably reserved. If you pay attention to pick up these cues you will be in a better position to know how you want to interact with such folks.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

Most people will truly appreciate your flexibility in social situations. They will like you for your amiable warmth and your willingness to engage, and for your ability to sit back and let others take the lead or the spotlight. They will appreciate ways in which you temper what could become intemperate moments; by remaining poised and relaxed when others; temperatures are rising, you keep things civil and sane.

You are as good at listening and following as you are at talking and leading, and people will often appreciate your ability to adapt to the situation. Because you are sometimes outgoing and sometimes reserved, you will make most people comfortable in your presence, and they will truly enjoy your company.

TAGGED, OMG

2009-08-11T20:42:20Z

I vas tagged by blackeyedwicca.

Lots of pillows or just one? It depends where I am. At Nana's, I have one or two, and at Grandmere's I have three.

What kind of books do you read? Fiction, non-fiction, fantasy, sci-fi, historic, everything. LOL.

What's the cutest thing you've seen today? Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country. There are bunches of bits where I be like, AWWWWWW.

What's your occupation? Student, parasite, and nerd.

What's really creepy? Me sometimes.

What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction? Star Trek. I be listening to Trekcast and I went to the convention and I have a bunch of pictures of all things Trek on my compy, and... I love Star Trek so much, fjdsiothewnds48h.

What flavour ice cream would you choose right now? Well, I just had a carmal frappe with an extra shot of expresso thrown in and that was delicious... if you like coffee. It was nice and cold and awesome and I'm kind of hyper right now kthnx Starbucks.

What websites do you always visit when you go online? Hotmail, Livejournal, YouTube, Myspace, LVCCLD.org, FAILblog, Ugliest Tattoos, There I Fixed It, cutewithchris.com...

What was the last thing you bought? That carmel frappe from Starbucks. Before that, a Dr. Pepper from 7-11. Before that, some pins from the convention. Yeah, I remember pretty much everything I buy.

What's your favourite video game? I'm not really one for video games, but I like The Sims (provided I have all the cheats), Fable 2, and Wii sports (particularly baseball. Yup, I'm American alright).

Do you get cravings? If so, what do you crave? Of course I have cravings. They're usually for Dr. Pepper and salt and vinegar chips.

What do you do to change your mood? Lots of things. Just depends on what I'm feeling.

What is your zodiac sign? Cancer.

Do you want to learn another language? ~obv. I don't have the patience for it though.

Five things you can't live without.
1. Caffien.
2. Fanfiction
3. Literature
4. Something to keep me preoccupied
5. Silliness

Find the closest book currently sitting near you and flip to page 54. What is the first sentence of the second paragraph?

"'Get a shot of that policeman, the one who's bleeding!'"
-A Vulcan Odyssey by Lawrence Montaigne

What's something you'd like to say to someone right now? I don't know...

What are you looking forward to? School starting. It will give me something to do.

Say something to the person who tagged you: HAY GURL HAY.

I tag anyone who bothers to read this. Because they are THE SHIT and I'm FUCKING YOU.

Jeez, an actual journal entry?!

2009-08-04T13:57:49Z

Alrighty, so a few days ago, I went to the Robot Chicken On Wheels Tour, which was awesome. I got some pictures, Corey left early, Seth Green winced at me after I fell on my ass when I was skating. It was wicked. Oh, and what else is awesome? I GOT TRAVIS MCCOY'S SWEAT RAG. It's pretty wicked. Just like when I got JWalk's pick, I had to fight over it. I for real almost punched that short bitch in the face before she let go. I danced with a couple cute guys, I got some hugs, and, of course, I got my picture taken with my mom in the middle of a duel with her light saber and my magic wand. We're cool like that.

I look like crap. All weird and lumpy shaped.

I renewed my membership to Northern Downpour today. WOO! I'm going to the concert in three days too, which, I have No Doubt is going to be awesome! And yes, I do enjoy puns. I plan on arriving at the event early to get up close to the band. It's gonna be bitchin'.

THEN! On August 9, I'm going to be going to the Star Trek convention here in Vegas. I've got preferred seating and everything, so I can see the panel with Zachary Quinto, William Shatner, and my one twue love, Leonard Nimoy! I have freaking fallen in love with him, for serious, he is so awesome. I read I Am Spock, his autobiography, and I now own I Am Not Spock, but have yet to read it. It's over at my Nana's house, and I won't be going over there until after the convention. I'm so super excited. I've been listening to Trekcast, which is awesome, and even though I haven't seen much else than TOS and TAS, I think it's pretty rad. The guys who do it are big fans of the other series, TNG, VOY, DS9, and ENT. It's been making me totally geek out. It's made me take a step back from my life and realize that even though my mom reads a lot more Sci-Fi and Fantasy than I do, I am the bigger nerd. Here are a lot of examples:

I went to go see Augustin Burrough's lecture when he came down here, I'm going to the Star Trek convention, I go to all of P!ATD's concerts when they're in town, I always go to see Harry Potter midnight premieres, I went to the Breaking Dawn midnight premiere, I'm the one who's always slipping in references to books, movies and shows, I am in love with Leonard Nimoy, I have listened to all of Chris Leavins' Story Hours, I have all the episodes of Cute With Chris I could get my hands on on my iPod, I AM A BIG OL' NERD. It's just kind of weird realizing it.

Anywho, Ziggy gave birth to her puppies and Stranger birthed her kittens. Ziggy had four puppies and one almost died. A black and white girl, a black and white boy, a brown and white boy (who is my favorite, and if we got him, I would call him Luke), and a brown and white girl (who is the one that almost died). We're probably going to get the black and white girl. All five of Stranger's kittens died AND we had to give her away. But we got Sniff, who is the most adorable Scottish Fold EVAR. I love Scottish Folds, they are the cutest kitties ever and I love them.

Anyways, once I can upload the rest of my pictures from Robot Chicken and the puppies, I'll be showing them on here, and once I have gone to the convention and concert and uploaded those pictures, I'll post them too.

Indeed...

2009-08-01T15:22:35Z

So true...

2009-08-01T15:22:11Z

Take the Star Trek Quiz

OUCH.

2009-08-01T11:38:20Z

Your results:
You are An Expendable Character (Redshirt)

An Expendable Character (Redshirt)		85%
Beverly Crusher		80%
Data		70%
Spock		64%
Deanna Troi		60%
Chekov		55%
Jean-Luc Picard		55%
Geordi LaForge		50%
Will Riker		50%
Leonard McCoy (Bones)		45%
Uhura		45%
Worf		45%
James T. Kirk (Captain)		35%
Mr. Scott		30%
Mr. Sulu		5%

Since your accomplishments are seldom noticed,
and you are rarely thought of, you are expendable.
That doesn't mean your job isn't important but if you
were in Star Trek you would be killed off in the first
episode you appeared in.

Click here to take the Star Trek Personality Quiz

Moar letters

2009-07-04T10:15:57Z

Comment on this entry, and I'll give you a letter. You then have to list 10 things you love that begin with that letter.

Now, I can't think of many things I love that start with the letter I (which was given to me by my dearest blackeyedwicca) but I'll do my mother fuckin' best.

1. The fourth stanza of Leonard Nimoy's poem "Trying to write a poem...":
I'm trying to find
A way to say these things
That should be heard (s)
Because you can tell that he was most certainly on drugs when he wrote this hilarious spew.
2. Italics: they let everyone know that that fuckin' bit is fuckin' important bitch.
3. I, Mudd: the 37th episode of Star Trek: The Original Series. It's absolutely hilarious. The whole crew acts silly, even Spock, and it's awesome. One of my favorite episodes, right up there with The Naked Time and The Changeling
4. Illinois: I don't know what it is, but that state births many of bands to which I likes.
5. The album I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning by Bright Eyes. It has some of my favorite Bright Eyes songs on it.
6. Indie rock. Indie rock bands are some of the best bands out there, such as The Smiths (an obvious favorite), The Unicorns, Test Icicles, Franz Ferdinand, and countless other great bands! (quite a few of which can be found
7. In The Movement</i> by skoosiepants. Part of the Kevin Jonas/Mike Carden series she does. Absolutely brilliant.
8. The word interesting. Because I love that word, I love it when Leonard Nimoy uses it, and I'm starting to get tired and having a hard time thinking.
9. Inspiration. When it hits, I am thankful. Most of the time, it's off getting it's bangs with other people though.
10. AND! Indigo. It's the last color of the rainbow, awfully pretty, and it's fitting. This is the last I and it is the last color.

Writer's Block: Childhood Firsts

2009-06-29T20:55:36Z

What was your first word?

View 501 Answers

Funny, I asked my mom this ages ago, she said something like, "I dunno, probably 'Mama' or 'No' or something like that."

WORDZ, OMG!

2009-06-21T00:16:31Z

Reply to this meme by yelling "Words!" and I will give you five words that remind me of you. Then post them in your LJ and explain what they mean to you.

The following were given by blackeyedwicca.

Mongo: She got this from the name I have up, "Mongo only pawn in game of life." The quote is from the classic movie Blazing Saddles, one of the greatest comedies of all time.

Panic! At The Disco: Probably my favorite band, I've been a fan since I first listened to their single "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies", then bought their first album, A Fever You Can't Sweat Out in March 2006. I started reading Panic slash in May the same year and have never stopped lovin' it.

Unicorn: Unicorns pwn. Simple as that.

Star Trek: My new obsession. I'm lovin' it.

Brendon Urie: Lead singer of Panic At The Disco, I'm constantly reading slash involving him.

Heroes Fanfiction

2009-06-16T07:06:33Z

Okay, what is wrong with people that they think Sylar and Claire are a great pairing?!?! The same with Claire/anyone but Elle. I do think Claire/Elle would be interesting. Claire with anyone else? Uh, no thanks. It's just creepy for me to have Claire paired up with any dude on the show because they are all related and/or hella older than her! And she fucking hates Sylar! And hella older and at one point thought to be related to her. That makes it so many shades of wrong to me. The kind of wrong that never, ever becomes a right. Claire/Elle is kind of so wrong its right. They are, to a degree, polar opposites. Yet so much a like its scary! And not related. I'm not sure if Elle is dead yet though. As for Sylar, I just hate Zachary Quinto paired with any woman. I don't care if he's straight, he's awesome gay and I see him no other way. As Spock he's paired with Kirk, as Sylar he's paired with Peter or Mohinder or himself, no chicks man! I do admit that I have strayed with both Peter and Mohinder, but not Spock/Sylar. idk, I am very specific in my slashy preferences. Sure, if Sylar were paired in an awesome way with someone else, like awesome crossover-edness, maybe. But just. Ugh. I needed to rant. I put on vids too:

And go here for his grand gay kiss...

Alright. And I quit summer school because that shit is leaving me too stressed out. I already started freaking out and crying in driver's ed, I just can't take any more of that shit.

Star Trek

2009-06-07T01:18:10Z

Just saw Star Trek. I hated the way they completely changed the canon. Spock having a love intrest other than Kirk? Bitch, I don't think so! I firmly believe in the magical pairing know as Kock.

True love, my friends. True love. Honestly, they're like a step away from Morrissey and Marr, another OTP of mine.

Not doing too good right now...

2009-05-26T10:38:58Z

Things at home aren't too great right now. Mom got out a week ago and she's drinking still. She had an almost empty bottle of brandy next to her bed and it just hurt so bad to see it. Her excuse: "That's for my period. It's from before I went to jail." Fuck her. I'm so sick of crying, and I've been crying for probably the last half hour and I cried all last night and I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I know I'm going to my bad place, but it just hurts so much. I can't get a hold of Sarah, and I don't want to bother Nana and Aunt Stacey with it because they've already got so much going on... I'm getting back into Morrissey and The Smiths really bad, and I always get into them really bad when I'm not in my good place. As much as I love them, they have that music that feeds into when I get depressed. There's also the not sleeping, which is coming back heavily. When I'm doing good, I'm pretty much a hypersomniac, but when I'm depressed, I'm in insomniac. And, of course, the crying. The crying is new, I never dealt with it the first round of depression, that time I was a robot. Now anything sets me off. Honestly, Saturday night, Aunt Sophie was talking about how she wasn't drunk yet and I hate how she was talking that way in front of my cousins. I hate that she is that way. All the shit I went through with Mom's drinking just hurts and is just an open wound whenever I hear about it. Admittedly, she probably would have apologised if she knew everything that went on when things with Mom was really bad. When Mom was the only one I had and she was too busy getting tipsy in the tub to consider the fact that I wasn't doing good either, that I was so angry and depressed all the time and she wasn't there.

There was one time where I told her before school that I was going to be going to the library afterschool. This was 8th grade, the library was right across the street from my school, but like three or four miles from my house. It was winter, it was about -20 that day. Around the time I thought she would pick me up, I called her and got no answer. I left three messages, hoping she'd receive at least one. I waited outside for half an hour before just walking to the busstop and taking it home. When I got home, I expected her to be all dressed up in winter gear saying, "Oh hey Honey Bunny, I was just about to come over and pick you up. Sorry, I got your messages late." Something like that. But no. When I got home, she was passed out naked on the couch. It just hurt so much and made me so mad. It was one of the things that just made me hate her so much.

Then there was when she got her DUI and that really just was the straw that broke the camel's back. I wouldn't telk to her, I was just so mad at her. I didn't tell Nana and Aunt Stacey for months because I was so ashamed of her and so mad at her. At the time, it took everything in me not to cry in front of them, because they would have been tears of anger and humiliation and pain and I just didn't want to show them that side of me.

Its not that I don't share anything with them. I love them so much, I just don't want them to have to bear all my shit along with the crap that they already have to deal with. They have the shame of Sophie, I have the shame of my mother. They have their hurts, and I have mine. I don't want to burden them more than I already do.

I just needed to get this all of my chest, you know? I could most definitely cry about it some more, but I really need to start cleaning myself up. Its going to be morning soon, and I need the bloodshot to fade before Grandmere sees me.

Soundtrack

2009-05-21T13:57:12Z

1) Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc.).
2) Put it on shuffle.
3) Press play.
4) For every question, type the song that's playing.
5) When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6) Don't lie.

Opening Credits: "Magazines" by Brand New
Waking Up: "Eleventeen" by Kimya Dawson
First Day of School: "You're The Reason I'm Leaving" by Franz Ferdinand
Falling In Love: "Fun Loving Nun" by of Montreal
Fight Song: "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" by The Smiths
Break-Up Song: "The Proverbial Unrest" by The Academy Is...
Prom: "Let It Roll" by All Time Low
Mental Breakdown: "Lullabye" by Fall Out Boy
Flashback: "Dance, Dance (Tommy Sunshine Techno Remix)" by Fall Out Boy
Wedding: "Killer Queen" by Queen
Birth of a Child: "Nearly Witches" by The Paul Revere Jumpsuit Apparatus
Final Battle: "12 Days Of Christmas" by Taking Back Sunday
Death Scene: "Joy Ride" by The Killers
Great Death: "All The Pretty Faces" by The Killers
Funeral Song: "Hand Of God" by Fall Out Boy
Ending Credits: "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out (live)" by Fall Out Boy

---

Well... I have a very strange soundtrack.

morrisseyislove @ 2009-05-14T22:42:00

2009-05-15T06:08:40Z

Alright, me lately. Well, Mom's in jail again. She didn't go to court to finally finish up her DUI shit and had a warrent out for her arrest, now she's not going to be home till Monday. I'm going to prom, I got a dress and everything. No date yet, but I'm working on it, prom's on Saturday. I dyed my hair from neon blond to light brown. I'm lovin it. Corey and Aunt Minzell finally moved out and I have my own room/area. It's shweet. And I'm exhausted and need to go to bed. And I wrote a poem about hugs with blackeyedwicca.

Moi:

How wonderful hugging this Aussie, my true love is,
Unicorns are just barely as awesome as the hugs with this darling,
Get lost jealous hoes, this bitch be mine, for I love the girl with the Bden Urie/The Joker OTP,
So I proclaim my love of the hugs with my Aussie, for nothing can compare to hugs with la blackeyedwicca!

morrisseyislove @ 2009-04-23T13:22:00

2009-04-23T20:27:39Z

Stolen meme from blackeyedwicca

-If you get more than 30 I strongly recommend some counseling!

-If you get more than 20 you're a little weird but not much.

-If you get 10-20 then you are normal.

-If you get 10 or less you're fearless.

-People who don't have any are full of crap!

~

I Fear…

[X] The dark

[] Staying single forever

[X] Being a parent at a young age.

[] Giving birth

[] Being myself in front of others

[] Open spaces

[X] Closed spaces

[X] Heights

[] Black cats

[] Dogs

Total so far: 4

[] Birds

[] Fish

[X] Spiders

[] Flowers or other plants

[X] Being touched

[] Fire

[] Deep water

[] Lakes

[] Silk

[] The ocean

Total so far: 6

[X] Failure

[] Success

[] Thunder/lightning

[] Frogs/toads

[]mice/rats

[X] Jumping from high places

[] Snow

[] Rain

Total so far: 8

[] Wind

[] Cross hanging bridges

[X] Death

[] Heaven

[] Being robbed

[X] Falling

[] Clowns

[X] Large crowds of people

[] Men

[] Women

Total so far: 11

[X] Having great responsibilities

[] Doctors, including Dentists

[X] Tornadoes

[X] Hurricanes

[X] Incurable diseases

[] Snakes

[] Sharks

[] Friday the 13th

[X] Ghosts

[] Poverty

Total so far: 16

[] Halloween

[] School

[] Trains

[] Odd numbers

[] Even numbers

[] Being alone

[X] Becoming blind

[X] Becoming deaf

[] Growing up

[] Sleep on a mattress

Total so far: 18

[X] Creepy noises in the night

[] Bee stings

[X] Not accomplishing my dreams/goals

[X] Needles

[] Blood

[] Dinosaurs

[] The welcome mat

[X] High speeds

[X] Throwing up

[] Falling in love

Totals: 23

~

No dude, I'm pretty weird.

Tweet tweet!

2009-04-22T03:42:51Z

Follow me on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/morrisseyislove

All sorts of memes...

2009-04-14T00:10:13Z

1. Comment this and I will give you 3 people.
2. Post this meme with your answers.
3. Provide pictures and the names of 3 people.
4. Label which you would marry, shag, and throw off a cliff.

I was given Alez Suarez, Ryan Ross, and Mike Carden by xoxomaryxoxo

Alex Suarez, sorry to say, would be the one I would throw off a cliff and hope lands on something soft and comfy, because he's really the only one I can live without.

Ryan Ross would be my shag, because despite PATD being my favoritest of all favorite bands, he's kind of a dick, but has a big one, so...

That leaves Mike Carden, who is insanely awesome, for me to marry. Score!

xoxomaryxoxo gave me T

2009-04-13T23:46:34Z

1. reply to this post and i'll assign you a letter.
2. list (and upload, if you feel like it) 5 songs that start with that letter.
3. post them to your journal with these instructions

1. Toba The Tura - Forgive Durden
2. Turn To Stone - E.L.O.
3. This Devil's Workday - Modest Mouse
4. Three Men Hanging - Murder By Death
5. Time To Dance - Panic! At The Disco

HOW GAY IS PANIC AT THE DISCO?!?! What does the Gaydar Gun say?

2009-04-09T03:57:58Z

I made a request to GaydarGun.com to settle the gay debate once and for all! Here's what it says:

morrisseyislove @ 2009-02-26T19:23:00

2009-02-27T03:30:31Z

Have you ever heard of Create Your Own Adventure books? Well, I'm working on a Create Your Own Slashy thing. It gives me something to do at school and is interesting enough to keep my attention. I've gotten quite a few pages done in my notebook and I'm not nearly done. It'll be intersting, I hope.

morrisseyislove @ 2009-02-22T21:28:00

2009-02-23T05:56:30Z

Ask xoxomaryxoxo.

[1] Make a list of 5 things you can see:

Yarn, computer, my grandma's pills, a picture of me, and bubbles.

[2] Would you ever get plastic surgery?

Yeah. Lipo around the midsection and thighs and breast reduction down to a D or C.

[3] What are 5 things you usually keep in your pocket/bag/wallet?

1. iPod
2. chapstick
3. phone
4. candy
5. pens

[4] If you could make a shirt with anything on it, what would it say or have on it?

"By gay porn, I mean man on man."

[5] What is your dream occupation? (It doesn't have to be realistic)

Professional student.

[6] In what state of death would you prefer? Murdered? Accident? Etc?

I'd like to have a heart attack triggered by watching Brendon taking it up the rear for at least a good two minutes.

[7] The last movie you saw ?

At home, The Aristocats. In theatres, Friday The 13th.

[8] What is your current obsession?

So many, so many... my newest one is United States Of Tara.

[9] Person who made you laugh today ?

Myself picking on Terrance:
Nana: "Should we put nuts in the fudge?"
Moi: "Sure."
Nana: "Where are the nuts?"
Moi: "In Terrance's pants."

[10] What sites do you always visit when you go online?

Livejournal, Myspace, FueledByRamen, Hotmail.

[11] Last thing you bought?

Food for me, Abby, and Corey at Wendy's.

[12] What random useless fact did you learn today?

Blackberry jam with fig and cocoa spread is insanely good on my nana's scones.

[13] What do you usually drink in the morning?

Depends on the day. Water, milk, coffee, Dr. Pepper.

[14] What would you tell your 12 year old self if you could?

I'd tell myself to not be such a bitter douchebag. God, my 12 year-old self was angry at everyone.

[15] If you could play any musical instrument what one would you play?

Drums.

[16] Do you have any siblings?

Not that I know of. Probably not at this point.

[17] What's something you would like to say to someone right now?

Do my laundry. Is tired.

[18] If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Where in the world is Brendon Urie? I'd rape it.

[19] Whats your favourite kind of weather?

Warm rain.

[20] What's the last show/gig/concert you went to?

Rock Band Live Tour.

morrisseyislove @ 2009-02-04T15:33:00

2009-02-04T23:44:22Z

I'm changing schools. Right now, I'm going to Western High School, one on the worst schools in Las Vegas, and now I'm going to be going to West Prep where I have to wear a uniform, which is totally cool with me! It's just, when I first got into town and they looked at me with my lip rig and short, black hair and thick eyeliner and how fat I was, they were like, "Um, no, we don't have any openings in Freshman year right now." Now they look at me, dyed red hair, no make up, slim, and miserable looking and my very high test scores, they're like, "If you got the withdrawl form and a uniform, you can go to class right now." For rizzle in the hizzle, the couselor heard my last name, he was like, "Oh, you're Corey's cousin, I know him! Very smart!" And he took my student number and looked at my little profile and said, "Okay, we can start registering you right now, and I expect straight A's from you!" Yeah, I need to go shopping for black polos and slacks now.

So Wise...

2009-01-12T06:36:37Z

1. Name:
2. Birthday:
3. Where do you live:
4. What are you studying/What are you working as:
5. What makes you happy:
6. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
7. What is particularly good/bad about my LJ:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. Favorite place to be:
11. Favorite lyric:
12. Best time of the year:
13. Weirdest food you like:

RECOMMEND
1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A song:
4: A band:

PLUS
1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Put this in your lj so I can tell you what I think of you?